Just Be You

Just be you.

That’s the advice my friend used to give me when I would go off on a tangent trying to fix myself and figure out my calling and when I wonder about why I was here and what I should do and what other people think of me.

I used to think he was just trying to get me to stop talking but now I realize it is really good advice.

This came up again today when I was sharing a story with some friends.

On vacation, I was walking the beach collecting shells with my sixteen year-old daughter. This is totally her thing.  She loves to be in nature, walking slowly, not talking.  It’s a stretch for me, especially the no talking part.  But honestly, just the fact that she allowed me to walk alongside her is enough for me.  I’m desperate to spend time with her and know her.  As for her…she’s not that into me.  So we walked in silence.

She picks up everything that is beautiful.  Which means she picks up every shell.  She doesn’t care if they are broken. She has a bucket full of broken shells.

Meanwhile, I’m running some weird imaginary race down the beach looking for perfect shells that are shiny and not broken.  I present them to her like it’s a contest.  Look at my shells, aren’t they pretty?  I did good, right? Accept me, admire me, love me…tell me I’m good at this.  She just shrugs and continues on her peaceful journey.

At the end of the walk she has a beautiful bucket of broken messy shells and I have one or two lone “perfect” shells.

I could write volumes about what this means.  About how obviously she understands life and I don’t.   How she’s having fun in a community of broken shells while I’m lonely with the shells that just want to look like they have it all together.  I could beat myself up about my striving and needing attention and wanting to be liked and admired.

But let’s wait on that.  It gets worse for me.

I say to her, “Why don’t we buy some frames or something to put the shells on to make them useful?”  And she says, “Or we could just let them be.”

Or we could just let them be.

It was such an important moment for me as a mom.  I saw me. And I saw her. And I started regretting all the times I didn’t let her be.  I started thinking about all the times I tried to fix everything for her and how I still continue to do it today and how I hope she knows she doesn’t need fixing.  About how I hope she doesn’t resent me and how I wish I could take back all the times I may have given her the impression that she’s not enough.

I was telling a few friends about this and about how awful I am as a mother and person and they stopped me cold.

They reminded me there is no one right way to be and there is beauty in the way my daughter is yes but there is beauty in me…so much beauty.  There is beauty in the mother lion me that comes out when my kids need me to defend them.  There is beauty in the striving and the fixing when I need to kick it into high gear.  There is beauty in my relationships that are messy and complicated.  There is beauty in who I am.  Even when I screw up and my kids have to teach me. There is beauty in them teaching me.

My friends were saying,  “Just be you.”

Sometimes I get so caught up in wanting to be better that I forget I’m already good.

I’ve been asking God lately for direction and He has answered loudly and clearly with one directive: “rest”.  Stop doing.  Don’t try to fix or change anything.  He wants me to be still and trust that I am enough…that He is enough…that He has me and my daughter in His hands. He’s got this.

“In stillness and trust is your strength.” – Isaiah 30:15

Here’s the thing.  God loves me all the time. He wants me as I am.  He’s saying come to me, let me have your heart…the one that is messy and broken and imperfect…the one that is beautiful and kind and loving and faithful.  The one the world needs.

“Just be you”, He says.  “I’ll handle everything else.”

**This post is dedicated to all the moms who doubt themselves sometimes.  For all the ways we criticize ourselves or wish we were different or compare…for the anxieties and fears and “what if I really messed these kids up” moments.  This is for all my friends who say, “Just be you” and mean it.  You are all beautiful. Happy Mother’s Day! 

you are beautiful

©2014 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™, All Rights Reserved

Author: Sue

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  • SUE!
    This was so beautiful! It is just perfect! AND this was my verse for my intention for my practicum at retreat!!!!!! (The ‘but you would have none of it part’ was my wrecking on the mountaintop Thursday night:)
    SO GOOD.
    XO

  • This is a beautiful post! Your daughter sounds like a peaceful person and a beautiful one , too. Just like her energetic mom. Your mother’s comment is such a gift to you. Treasure it.

  • Okay for real people…you are all making me cry! Thanks for reading and commenting! You are all beautiful! xoxoxo

  • Sue,
    Wow, tears are streaming down my face. For so many reasons. Because I can relate to this on so many levels, because I feel for you in those moments, because I have so many of those moments, and because I am so thankful for you being you…communicating to us what we need to hear and know at the exact moment we need to hear it…For you being you and letting us all feel better about being ourselves. God really has given you such a gift and I am so thankful that you share it with the world! Happy Mother’s day to my beautiful friend!!

  • God has communicated to me in so many ways and today after reading this “Just Be You”, I realized that God can send me emails too. And I wept at this realization.

    Thank you for being the messenger, Sue.

  • Happy Mom’s Day to God’s beautiful creation YOU! I thank Him every day for the wonder of Sue.
    “Just be You, He’ll handle everything else.” Todays blog is a testament of Faith.
    Love and HUGS, Mom

  • Sue,
    Thank you once again for sharing your heart-felt wisdom with us. As usual, it was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you for reminding me that we are all enough – made in the image of God and perfect, just the way God made us. I’m so glad God speaks through you to all of us. You are such a blessing! Happy Mother’s Day to my awesome friend! Love you, Barbie

  • Love you and your post. It reminded me of a meditation on Psalm 46:10 that I learned at a retreat not long after my daughter was born. I need to say it more often now. Instead of counting to 10, I say the following a few times until it sinks in and it really helps…
    Be still and know that I am God.
    Be still and know that I am.
    Be still and know.
    Be still.
    Be.