You’ve heard of Panic at the Disco?
I panicked at the restaurant.
We went out to eat twice last weekend. the first time wasn’t so tough. It was a new Austin place outside of the city, rural really. It’s called Proof and Cooper. The outside was so cool. Rusty tin roof, lots of land.
Inside, you order and then sit. There was a bar and live music. Pretty standard Austin stuff. The best part about Austin is the people (so friendly) and the Vibe. By that I mean, there were people there in swimsuits. There were people there in cut off shorts and t-shirts. I saw tattoos and piercings and dreadlocks. There were kids and parents and groups and cats and chickens. That last part is no joke. Here’s a picture of my daughter with one of the baby kittens.
There were 5 kittens and we just couldn’t get enough of them. Everyone was coming around and chatting about the kittens. All ages. Some with their cocktails, just wandering around the outside space talking about the rooster that was in the tree. That part is real too. I swear.
The next day I looked up the place on Facebook and saw that the person playing guitar there was actually “famous” in certain circles. We talked to him while we were there because he came out to see the kittens and actually laid down on the ground and let a kitten climb on his chest. My friend’s daughter likes to sing so he asked her about that and said, “I’ll let you sing!” He was so nice. And calm. And apparently “important”. He is the son of some famous music people and he was in the movie, “Walk the Line” and a bunch of other stuff. His name is Waylon Payne. See, you have to be careful in Austin. Famous people hang here but they blend in which is the whole point.
Ordering at this restaurant was easy because it was farm to table. I had a salad with tomatoes and avocado and fizzy water with a lime. Yum. It helped that there was a lot going on and it wasn’t all about the food.
However, the next night, Jeff and I went to a restaurant sort of because we “had to”. We had time to kill. It was dinner time. We were far from home but had to pick up our son soon…you get the point. So already, I felt like I was not in control of my situation. See, I had it all planned, we were going to go to Chipotle. We were on that side of town (not our usual side) and I haven’t had Chipotle in a year. I read on the Whole 30 that you can have the carnitas bowl so I was beyond excited. I was thinking about the carnitas and the guac. Literally, running to the door. We get in and see the sign. NO CARNITAS AVAILABLE. There is a shortage. They have stopped working with their suppliers because of the way they treat the animals. They are looking for a supplier that meets their requirements. You can google it. It’s a thing. You guys…I literally almost cried.
We went to a steak joint. Because we are in Texas. As I looked at the menu, genuine panic came over me. All the memories of onion stacks and nachos and beer and wine and french fries…the smells, the music, the dim lighting. Ugh. The menu was not confusing. Oh no, it was not. I have learned to know what my body needs to feel good. THERE WAS NOTHING ON THE MENU FOR ME. If I was going to keep this Whole30 thing going, I needed to really THINK. And I was getting hungry. The waiter said he was going to bring us a basket of bread and I jumped down his throat…NO!!!! He’s like, fine lady…chill. I literally frowned the whole time and felt so testy. We were sitting at the bar. For the love of God…why???? I could see myself in the mirror…again, why???? And I looked so sad and confused. I ordered a salad…no dressing…with a steak on it, dry…which means no rubs or sauces. It was good and I felt full and I stuck to the plan. But honestly, everything in the world is dripping in oil and cheese and sour cream and ranch dressing. The good news is I survived. And I will be better prepared next time. I really like just eating at home now.
I have this thing. I don’t want to be difficult. I don’t want to special order stuff. Maybe it goes back to when I was young and I didn’t like the McDonald’s onions on the cheeseburger so I would order it without onions and my family would have to pull the car over and wait for little Susie’s (I’m the youngest and only girl) cheeseburger. (This is why Burger King is better for me – special orders don’t upset them.) My brothers still discuss it to this day. I learned that just going with the flow makes people happy. I like to make people happy. Which leads to why sometimes I eat cake if someone makes it even if I don’t want it. And why I say, “Sure, anything is fine!” as people order sausage on a pizza (yuk) or decide we need potato skins with bacon and cheese and sour cream. I want to be easy and light. I want to be cool. As LuAnn says, “Be cool. Don’t be all, like, uncool.”
But here’s the thing I know now. People thinking I’m easy breezy is no longer my goal. It is not worth the bad feelings in my body. I can say no and still be cool. I think. Right? I have a feeling some of you know what I’m talking about. You don’t want to say no to your grandma’s cheesecake. Or she won’t let you. She stops just shy of shoving it down your throat!! The pressure and dirty looks from family if you are not stuffing your face…does this happen? What if you ask for a dry steak and dressing on the side? Do you hear the groans? Do people tell you, “You used to be fun”?
WHY IS IT SO TOUGH???
It’s tough because it’s not just the food. It’s the emotions, the memories, the patterns, the feelings, the history, the relationships, the connections. It’s not just your body, it’s your brain and your heart and your soul. Your spirit is wrapped up in this. That’s why eating the “wrong things” can lead to depression and doubt and shame and guilt. That’s why eating the “right things” takes a whole rewiring of our thinking. Not just our thinking but our feeling. You guys, it’s not easy.
My friend, Tricia, recommended the book Made to Crave. Thank you Tricia!! I read it right away the day I got it.
Turns out, I’m not the only one who has ever struggled with all of this.
©2015 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™, All Rights Reserved