Two years ago when we moved to Austin, we had to find a church. I don’t mean that in the sense of, “It’s the right thing to do” but rather, we had to find a church. As in, “our lives depended on it”. It felt desperate. And guess what, desperate hearts find God.
When you uproot your life, there is this feeling of excitement and opportunity but there is also a very real sense of being untethered. Flailing.
God is my anchor. And hearing His Word and being around His people is what I needed. My family needed that too but of course, they sent me out to find the church. You do the work they were saying in essence, we will show up when you have it all figured out.
I was “alone” when I first heard our pastor speak. The room was packed but I didn’t know a soul. This was not a space I’m used to occupying. I’ve spent years crafting community and placing emphasis on connecting and building relationships. That is where I thrive. It’s strange for me to walk into a building filled with hundreds of people and not know a name. Worse yet for me, no one knew mine.
The Pastor spoke and I just knew it. Sitting with goosebumps and a lump in my throat, I whispered “Thank you”. See, God had led me to this church and this pastor and this moment. Aloneness and all. Loss of identity and all. He wanted to make the Gospel the thing. He wanted to make JESUS the thing. Not my outfit or my friends or my kids or my husband or my ministry or my neighbors. Just me and the Word of God being preached like I’ve never heard. This guy was wearing jeans and he was my age and he was married and had kids and his Southern accent was both comforting and a reminder of how far away I was from home. But what he was saying reminded me that I am always home in the Lord. Where I go, He goes. When I am desperate, He will show up. When I am lost, He is the way.
I had heard about this pastor and his way of preaching truth that in no way is watered down. I had heard he “brings it”. And I knew that’s what I wanted. What I needed. I was seeking a strong word. A bold declaration.
I believe we are all looking for people to tell us the truth. I think the truth has been watered down and we are afraid to speak into people’s lives because we don’t want to seem harsh or preachy but we are all secretly hoping for someone to have the courage to speak the truth with confidence and courage and conviction. Speaking truth is real love.
The next week I took my family and again, was blown away. He was preaching from the Old Testament and he had maps up on the screen and was diving into geography and history and I actually had to laugh. He was speaking directly to my husband and son who want facts and love to know the history of things. The second week we went as a family, he preached the Gospel, straight up. He didn’t mince words, he didn’t flinch or apologize. I cried like a baby. Right there, I thought, THANK YOU GOD for this man who is PREACHING THE GOSPEL TO MY FAMILY. I went up to him afterwards and thanked him profusely, blubbering and carrying on. He smiled and warmly shook my hand and welcomed me and my family. I’m so grateful he said YES! to the call on his life.
We’ve been there two years and I can’t help but think those two years were exactly placed on purpose as the two years before my daughter leaves for college. The Lord’s timing is always perfect. As we sat in church this morning, I realized it was our last Sunday before she goes to college. We were all there together. We would be again on holidays and vacations but not every Sunday anymore. I was grateful for the rhythm of Sundays, the predictability, all of us together, lunch afterwards. I will miss this, I thought. I will miss her.
There are so many things we do as parents to prepare children for college. Many have to do with academics and manners and common sense stuff and personal hygiene issues. Honestly, I’m still telling my teenagers to brush their teeth. We try to teach kindness and respect and decency and compassion and empathy and independence. We tell them we love them and we tell them all the things our parents told us. I spent some time yesterday explaining how to do laundry and how important it is to separate darks from lights. (I still mess this up sometimes!)
I’ve always known that my most important role is to teach them about God and how much He loves them. To teach them about Jesus and His sacrifice and His gift of grace. Sure, I told them about God and I took them to church all their lives, but these last two years…we have lived like we believe it. The church is a big part and the pastor is instrumental in teaching us the Word of God and how to apply it.
However, I would have to say, it has been in the undoing that we have most profoundly met the Lord. It has been in the flailing. It has been in the many, many times over the last two years when we had to each individually walk into a room knowing not a soul and know we would be okay. It is in the times we did it afraid, whatever it was. It has been in the practice of trusting…the practice of believing…the practice of leaning into God…that we can now truly understand.
Faith doesn’t grow in comfort zones.
I heard Christine Caine talk about how in today’s world everyone wants everything to happen quickly, like selfies on Snapchat or Instagram. But God moves at His own pace, His process is more like old school photography. He takes time to develop us and a lot of our developing happens in the dark.
Two years ago we were invited into the darkroom. We were invited out of our comfort zone. We were invited into a new thing. We said yes and it changed everything.
Now my daughter is invited into a new thing. A new dark room. A new stage of development.
And I’m invited into one as well but for the first time, we will not be in the same dark room. We go into our development alone and when we see each other again, we will be changed. A little more of us will be revealed.
I am not afraid to let her go. She has heard the Gospel and she has spent two years of Sundays sitting near her mother who sings off key with hands raised in praise for the way the Lord will always, always lead us Home. No matter where we are.
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