Tag Archives: tears

Go ahead, surprise me…

Since I’m a blogger, I really want to write about everything.  I experience things and when they are powerful or meaningful in some way, I want to share them. But lately I’ve started wondering if God intends some things to just be for me.  If He frowns upon me running to my computer to upload photos of everything to Facebook and Instagram.  This came to a head for me when I was singing along with the worship band in church and tears were streaming down my face and I thought, “I should take a picture of the band and share it on Great Big Yes!”

Ummm. No.

Maybe that’s the challenge.  If something happened but it’s not posted, did it really happen?

How are our kids going to know when it’s right to just sit in something…to just receive it…be it love or affection or a compliment or a holy spirit moment…how will they know what is sacred? private? not appropriate to share?

I struggle with that.  I’m hoping that my words bring you closer to God.  I’m hoping to share His Word with you and the hope and peace and joy that comes from the radical love of Jesus.  Nobody needs more Sue.  The whole world needs more Jesus.  So, I want to be part of that.  Bringing some Jesus to you.  The Grace and Mercy that He brings.  Healing. Freedom.

When we found out we were moving, I called a Holy Yoga sister and I told her.  I was crying and talking fast and worrying and anticipating and trying to control.  She listened so kindly and then said something that changed me forever.  She said, “You know this is not a surprise to God, right?”

Silence.

He goes before me.

Omniscient. Omnipotent. Omnipresent.

Now I think of all things through that lens.  Nothing is a surprise to God.

When my daughter came home and said she is joining a Bible Study, it was a surprise to me but not to Him.

When my husband met people at work for the first time and they told him they have “been praying for him and his family” this was a surprise to my husband because people just don’t say stuff like that in Chicago…but God…He knew.  He heard those prayers and He planned for those words to fall on my husband’s surprised but grateful heart.

When I was standing in that church weeping with the worship music, arms raised and heart open…He was not surprised.

With every box unpacked, each rental place (there have been 2), buying a home, selling a home, meeting new people, new schools, figuring it all out…through every single moment, He is not surprised.  He is present and aware. He goes before me and makes a path for me.  He protects me and provides for me.

He can be trusted.

But He can’t be surprised.

I find immense comfort in this.  I hope you do too.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

IMG_3950

 

Clapping and Crying with all the other Moms

I always weep at endings.

The end of the school year slays me every time.

More than any other ending, it marks time for me. The slash on the calendar is dark blood red. This ending has been earned. Yet I don’t want it.

The door closing feels heavy and even though I know I have no power to stop it, I feel like running toward it, asking nicely if it could take it’s time…close slowly…tenderly…give us a few more days.

The slamming seems final. And it is.

Another year of lunches and rides and notes and homework…the cycles of sports and choir and band and art…the friends that hurt and the friends that helped us heal…the joy of newness and the scary stuff…the failing and fumbling and the tears.

All the laughing and running and playing is dying down over here.

No more Barbie Jeep, no more sparkly streamers hanging from handlebars.  No one wants to play on the slip and slide.  I remember days of baby pools and strollers and swing sets…the messiness…the laughter…the living.

Star Wars figures have taken their place on the shelf…dusty and alone.

I’m wandering around the house trying to look busy (to who? I don’t know? The busy police?)…trying to be busy to take my mind off the ending.  But I just wander…not really understanding how I feel.

I look at the bookshelf…a safe place to get lost for a while.  The books mark our journeys from Junie B. Jones to John Green and I can’t seem to part with any.  It’s like a living scrapbook of words that have fed our souls and kept us company.  We will never have too many books. They are our friends…constant and reliable.

I just saw a friend who is moving in a week.  She welcomed us when we moved into the neighborhood 11 years ago.  We have had many a cup of coffee and a glass of wine while the kids played and the years passed. I love her. She was boxing up things and I was in her empty house and I just couldn’t take it.  We both just stood there and cried. No words.

Another ending.

I always weep at endings.

The last of my kids finish up at elementary school this year.  The adorable, loving, little, everyone knows your name elementary school.  The place where they have taught and nurtured and loved my kids for 11 years.  Talk about the end of an era.

We “Clap out” our kids at the end of school.  All the parents line up and clap while the 5th graders march out.  I think they should call it the “Cry out” for me.  I’m anticipating weeping at that ending too.  Hey! We should call it the clap and cry out…clapping and crying at the same time pretty much sums up motherhood.

Weeping seems bad, right? Like I’m unhappy. But I’m not. I swear.

I’m just confused.

How did I go from eagerly anticipating my first baby to having three kids out of grade school (and two in high school!)?

How did I go from spoon feeding peas to worrying about drinking and driving and dating?

My son said the other day that he “hates change”.  He said, “Change is bad”.

Oh no I thought…I have to help him see change in a positive light…change is the only thing we know for sure will happen.  We have to get used to it.  We have to accept it.  It’s not bad…right?

Maybe he thinks it’s bad because I’m over here crying looking at baby pictures.  What have I done?

I specifically remember my mom talking to me about this.  Many times.  It’s an ending sure but it’s a beginning too…or it’s a beginning and it’s exciting and you are happy but the reason you are crying is because it’s an ending too…how many times over the years are we in that space…that in between…the ending and the beginning.

The sadness and the excitement…the saying good-bye and saying hello.  It doesn’t even matter how many times…I always weep at endings.

I remember once I was crying on the phone to my mom during the college years…I was distraught…things were changing…I just had a break up…I was down.  This is what she said to me…no joke…and it worked…”Honey, seriously, stop crying…wash your face, put on some lipstick, get a Diet Coke and Get out there.”

Diet Coke and lipstick…the cure all.

And now I’m the mom. I have to buck up and give the advice now.

Of course I can’t tell my son to put on lipstick.  What’s the equivalent for a boy?

And telling them to have a Diet Coke seems archaic like I didn’t get the memo…so do I say…have an organic green smoothie?  That doesn’t have the same ring to it.

How about this?

Change is part of life.  It’s difficult and it’s okay to cry.  When we cry, we know we are most alive because our heart is feeling things.  When we are sad to move on it means we have loved where we have been and that is a gift.  A treasure.  You are building your story and God is moving you along as you become who you are meant to be.  You take all of this with you.  All of the memories, the people, the experiences, the feelings, the knowledge, the wisdom…you are like a sponge and you absorb it all.  Things are changing yes and so are you – you are ready.  Be grateful. Take a minute.  Let the grateful tears fall…acknowledge that you are a little scared of something new…recognize that you were comfortable and that felt good.  But part of life is getting comfortable being uncomfortable.  Learning that you can do hard things.  Trusting that all will be well.  It’s time to move on now.  You do not go alone.  Dad and I are with you every step of the way.  And God is with you…he knows what you need and He can’t wait to give it to you.  Life is amazingly beautiful. Get out there.

Step joyfully into this new adventure

I will be stepping out with you…clapping and crying all the way.

graduation first step

©2014 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™, All Rights Reserved

I am…

The other day we were teaching our seventh grade religion class. We were talking about inner monologue and how important it is to speak kind words in your heart and mind. We went around the room and had everyone say…”I am blessed”. This was very powerful. I loved watching them say it out loud!

Then today I was watching Oprah’s Life Class with Joel Osteen and it was all about “I am…” He said however you finish that sentence will be what you attract in your life. If you walk around saying “I am fat” or “I am broke” or “I am tired”. You will attract those things.

The opposite is true too. By saying “I am blessed” you attract blessings. He offered up new words for people, new ways to finish the sentence. One woman said, “I am at the bottom” and he asked her to change that to be positive and she said, “I am at the bottom and I am looking up”. LOVE IT!

He had everyone stand and repeat after him. Some words he added were (“I am….”) equipped, confident, creative, ready, beautiful, blessed, and victorious. I was standing there in front of the TV with my hands raised like a preacher repeating after him. When I said, “I am victorious” I had some Holy Spirit tears. I’m not gonna lie, I am loving me some Joel Osteen…and I love Oprah of course which should go without saying. She’s there shouting out personal affirmations along with everyone else. Who doesn’t need to hear this message?!?!

What is your inner voice telling you? How do you finish the sentence “I am…”?

Remember…if you don’t like the story you are telling yourself…change it. You have that power. Do it. Change it. Be good to yourself.

This will be fun! Respond in the comments section.

Let’s help each other use words of affirmation. We can literally change our future.

I’ll start.

“I am… excited to see so many responses!”

©2012 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™ All Rights Reserved
image from pinterest and http://absolutelyinlovewithhim.tumblr.com/