Oh friends. I come before you repentant. I have gone under the needle and now I have a black eye.  Before I went in to ask my dermatologist to turn back the clock, I had this feeling. Hmmm I thought, maybe I shouldn’t do this. I joked with him, “I feel like I may end up with a horn growing out of my head just to show me where vanity gets me.” He laughed.

But I kid you not.  I have a black eye.

Friends say it will heal. I know it will but I felt compelled to write about this. It’s real life and it feels oh so relevant as many women (and men) my age get botox or some other form of cosmetic upkeep.  Some compare it to highlights, or make up, or working out, or using wrinkle cream. Others, like my mom, say, “What is it? Why would you do that?” I have several friends who brush it off, “Of course I get it, started years ago, love it!”

I have taken to staring at everyone’s forehead on TV and watching intently, “Does it move?” “How old is she?”

I am a child of the world. I also love Jesus. Which makes me think and pause and pray. He has taught me that it’s not about me and the first will be last and vanity is bad, bad, bad (Wait, did Jesus teach that? Is that from church? Where did I get that?). I’ll note here I grew up Catholic so I speak guilt and penance. Maybe you can sense it?

I have one foot in and one foot out of the world. I’ve always been like this.  I’ve always sensed this was an issue. Like, maybe I need to get it together. I feared I couldn’t be both. I couldn’t care about beauty or fitness and also love Jesus. I was told Christians don’t care about that surface stuff.  “In the world but not of it”, and all that. However, I’m starting to see it as my unique way of relating. Nothing is wasted in God’s economy so I don’t want to waste this. Maybe you have been conflicted too?

Maybe you want to say, “Sue, it’s okay, I had that and it went away in a week”. (I’ll take those comments :)) Maybe you are judging me. Maybe you are waiting to see me speak live and move my forehead to see if it “worked” or was “worth it”. Maybe you are considering botox and now you are scared. Maybe you are a Dr, ready to call me and tell me you can do it better. Maybe you are a beauty consultant ready to pounce because you can help me “grow old gracefully”. Maybe you are an older woman, wishing I didn’t worry about wrinkles. Maybe you are younger, rolling your eyes saying, “Who cares about wrinkles?” Maybe you are someone who gets botox and loves it and owns it and looks amazing. It’s all good. We are who we are. I’m not hear to judge. Clearly.

So, I’ll just be over here wearing a long bang and big earrings hoping you don’t notice my black eye.

Oh, and on the way out the door my dermatologist recommended a chemical peel.

I think I’ll wait on that.