Day by Day

I feel like a bad mom. 

My daughter has a blistering sun burn.  The blisters are huge and they look painful.  She is being a trooper but I can tell she is in pain.

We went to the pharmacy in Florida to see if they had any advice and they said we should just wait it out.  The people in line at the pharmacy had lots of ideas as did the waitresses and other people we ran into that day – some of their ideas to help the healing include milk, cucumbers, vinegar, and aloe (the actual plant). 

Everyone had a different remedy but they all had one thing in common.  They all said to my daughter, “It will be okay and it is a good life lesson”.  Another woman said, “It has happened to all of us, it builds character.” When you are in pain, this is not something you want to hear.  But it’s the truth. 

I feel guilty because I already learned this lesson and I believe it is my job to shield her from making the same mistakes I have made.  I need to protect her.  I need to save her.  Or do I?

I remember taking a leadership course called “Developing Capable People” in the 90’s.  It was based on a book called “Developing Capable Children:  Raising Self-Reliant children in a Self-Indulgent World”.  The premise was this:  You do not want to constantly save your kids.  You must let them fail so they can become capable adults.  All of our rescuing actually harms children.  The one exception was that we should save them if they are in danger.  (This sunburn qualifies as dangerous which is where my guilt comes in.)

What do you think?  Are we supposed to save our kids?  Should I be out there slathering sunscreen every couple hours on an 11 year old?  If I do this, when will it be time to stop? When I stop, will they know what to do? 

My husband commented that “we chase the sun and then the sun ends up chasing us away”.  We were so desperate for the sun we didn’t know when to quit.  It felt like an old friend that I hadn’t seen in awhile.  The sun, the great healer- had become harmful.  Another lesson:  You have to know when to quit. 

I am working on accepting the idea that even though I have religiously applied sunscreen to my three kids for many, many years, this one day has caused some real damage.  I guess that means we can only go on a day by day basis.  Today, my daughter is in physical pain while I’m in more of the emotional kind.  However, tomorrow, we both will be wiser.  Tomorrow we will begin again.  Thank God for tomorrow.