Desire is not good or bad.
Feelings are not good or bad.
Emotions aren’t right or wrong.
So much of the pain we feel in life stems from our need to ascribe value to our feelings.
Our religions and our cultural structures have created this pain and confusion. We need less judgment and more acceptance.
Why when I’m feeling really blue, really sad and lonely, do I need to also feel guilty?
Why when I’m feeling accomplished and proud and appreciated and loved do I have to feel guilty?
Why when I want something, do I feel greedy which of course makes me feel bad?
When I’m angry at someone, why do I feel like that means I’m weak?
When I feel dismissed and rejected, why do I need to “be above” those feelings and act like everything is okay?
A priest once told me that “anger gets a bad rap”. I love that! It does. And so does sadness and grief. When someone cries about something they are told, “Don’t be so sensitive!” Is sensitivity “bad”?
In school, our children are being taught about emotions. They are learning to name them and work through them. When my 8 year old son tells me he’s feeling angry, I’m happy he can name the emotion. That’s half the battle. My reaction to him telling me this is very important. Do I listen and acknowledge his anger? Do I ask him why he’s feeling angry? Do we explore his feelings together in a productive way? OR do I tell him anger is bad? Do I yell at him and tell him he shouldn’t be angry? Do I belittle him and shame him?
Of course not! This seems ridiculous yet this is what people have been doing to us all of our lives. We have been taught that some feelings are good and some are bad. This is why we hide our true selves. We are ashamed of our feelings. Even though those feelings are the gateway to our discovery of ourselves.
Not acknowledging and honoring feelings does not mean we don’t feel those things anymore. It means when we do, we look for ways to distract ourselves until we forget the feeling. Maybe we drink or do drugs or shop or watch TV. Maybe we find other ways to push the feelings aside until we feel they are gone. Until they show up again, which they will because we never acknowledged them the first time around.
I’m working on just feeling what I’m feeling. I don’t need to explain it or fix it I just need to recognize it. I can even say, “Hello anger, I see you, I feel you, I know why you are here.” Sounds crazy, right? But it works.
I don’t know who said it but I like the saying, “What you resist persists.” Acceptance is the key to moving on.
How are you feeling today?
feeling blessed you have the gift to put important thoughts into words!
I always say FEELINGs are FEELINGS – they’re just that. There’s no right or wrong. But unlike an answer to any other question, feelings just ARE. What I tell my kids is that whatever you feel is real and nobody can argue with that.
Next step. Working through what we feel. And I do believe that if you don’t FEEL it or work through it then the lesson is never learned and strength cannot be gained. We only grow when we feel. So, if you don’t look those feelings square in the eye, it’s a much longer road to growing and learning whatever that lesson was we were meant to learn. Love your little reminders because sometimes even on the best days, we don’t take our own advice. XO happy EaSteR!