Fight or Flight… or Faith?

In November of 1994, I was held up at gunpoint.

I lived in the city.  I was walking alone at night and a man came up with a gun and said “give me your bag”.  I gave him my bag and then I ran as fast as I could.

It changed everything.

For months after that, I went through a transformative experience.  At the time, I didn’t know what was happening to me.  I couldn’t get on the “El” or a city bus without being completely out of breath and shaking.  I thought I was having a heart attack and couldn’t breathe.  There were times when my chin or my arm would go numb.  I had cat scans and EEGs and EKGs.

Two really important things happened at this time.  I was talking to my mom about it and I was really freaked out.  I was not sure what was happening to me but I knew that I was not okay.  She said to me, “Have you prayed about it?”  No, I had not prayed about it.  I had talked about it with everyone, I had seen many doctors, I had tried to fix it myself, but I had not prayed about it.  I went to everyone who I thought could fix it and I didn’t go to the One who actually could.  It was an “AHA moment”.   My mom, again, was wise and faithful.  That moment stands as a turning point in my life and in my walk of faith.

The other really important thing that happened was that I went to a doctor many times hoping for answers, getting tests, often just hoping she would give me “something” to take away the symptoms.  I guess it’s a Western thing but we love medicine.  We love the idea that pills can make us better.  I know this is not true but at the time, I was desperate.  I would have welcomed a prescription.

However, God had other plans.  He led me to a doctor that was enlightened.  She asked me what is going on in my life.  I went through a list of things, I told her I just got married, I just got mugged…she stopped me there.  She asked for details and we talked about what happened. Then she pulled her chair closer and said, “You are having panic attacks.  Your body senses that it is in danger because your mind is telling it so. Your body is reacting with a fight or flight response.  Your mind is tricking your body into this reaction.  Your mind and body are intricately linked. We need to address the mind and the fear in order to stop the panic attacks.”

Then she taught me how to breathe.  She essentially taught me yoga breath. She told me I should practice this breath to calm my central nervous system.   I practiced this breath as I was facing my fears of the “el” and the city bus and walking alone.  It worked and my symptoms were gone.  When they would return, I would “check in” with my mind and then begin my breath.  I would tell myself, “In this moment, I am not in danger.”  This was the beginning of my walk with Mindfulness.

How ironic that in the middle of what could be the worst thing that has happened to me I learned two things that now define me.

1. Rely on God. What matters to me matters to Him.  Talk to Him. Pray.

2. Be mindful. The mind and body are intricately linked. Take care of both. Be present and in the moment. Do not fear.

I am excited to be posting an entry from my second guest blogger.  Her name is Mary and we are in a faith sharing group together.  Mary is insightful and kind and interesting and thoughtful.  She has a great curiosity and her willingness to learn and grow is inspiring.  You can read Mary’s thoughts on Mindfulness by clicking on Voices at the top of the blog, under the header.  Enjoy!