Are you thinking, “What is she talking about?”
Gripping means (now, I’m not Webster’s but this is what I mean by it) holding onto your belief so tightly that you are blinded. You are spending all of your energy defending your belief and telling others how right you are, that you literally cannot see another way.
Now, some of you are thinking, “I’m not gripping, I just have strong beliefs.” Others are saying, “You have to stand for something.”
Yes, you do. We all have beliefs. We all have chosen our beliefs so therefore, we believe them to be the right beliefs for us. Some of us may even think we are open and accepting to other’s beliefs. We talk about acceptance and love and understanding.
And then we are challenged.
Someone says something to us that comes from a different point of view and we feel threatened. We start to get red in the face. Our heart starts beating faster. We start talking without thinking and we are LOUD. The worst is when the other person remains calm and composed and quiet.
We recognize the other person is listening. We see the other person nodding their head in understanding, they are showing compassion and they are trying to understand our point of view. They do not feel threatened.
After this exchange (can you tell this has happened to me?) you feel tired. You feel misunderstood. You feel frustrated. You do not want to repeat this again so you decide you are not going to talk to anybody, ever, about that topic. In fact, you may never talk again. You certainly aren’t going to talk to that smug, self-satisfied, know it all…
Then you realize you were the know it all. You were loud and defensive and closed minded. But how can that be? You are about acceptance and love and understanding.
Hmmm….
My feeling is that other person knows something about non-attachment. She is not wishy washy with what she believes but she does not need you to believe it to make it true for her. She does not need to prove you wrong to make her right. She does not need to be right. She hopes to be kind. She hopes that she may learn from you and that you may be open to learning from her. She is sharing what works for her in hopes that it may work for you. If it does not serve you, she will not be offended.
Her self worth does not depend on your acceptance.
What does your self worth depend on? Do you need to be right?
Next time someone challenges you or your beliefs, listen, show compassion and try to understand their point of view. I’ll be trying to do the same. Once I start talking again…
