So many options. So little time.
We are busy. Let’s take a look at how we spend our waking hours. What are all the things you keep busy doing? Write them out on a piece of paper. Look at it and ask yourself these questions.
Are you overwhelmed? Do you have time with family and friends? Do you have time to rest? Do you feel fulfilled? Do you have time to dream and create? Are you running from place to place, chronically late and forgetting things? Are you just going through the motions?
So many people tell me they are overwhelmed. I have felt that way too. If we continue to say “YES” to everything, we will burn out. As I’ve been launching my life coaching business, I have had to reevaluate how I spend my time. I just recently had to say, “NO” to something I’ve been doing for awhile. It’s a volunteer position and I love it. I love the mission of the place and I love the work I was doing there and still, I had to let it go. I had to prioritize my goals and set boundaries around what I would say, “YES” to so I could create the life I want. It’s not always easy. I was reluctant to step away from this commitment. I asked myself why and realized it was my ego. I talk more about this on the Great Big YES! podcast. (#56 -Link below.)
Setting boundaries can be especially tough if you are saying “No” to a volunteer position or a ministry or a service opportunity. It’s difficult enough to say “No” to the person asking. We worry that they will be disappointed in us. But there is also the added guilt. You start thinking you are a jerk to say no. You feel like you “should” say yes. You question your reasons why you are saying no and wonder if you are being selfish. You may start saying things like, “Service isn’t always convenient, it’s a sacrifice, it’s not about my comfort…” And while those can be true statements, in this case they are shame inducing and they are not helpful. All of those excuses and self scolding thoughts will leave you overwhelmed and overwrought and unable to create the life you love, the life that is waiting for you. You will stay stuck in your people pleasing, martyrdom. Drop the self sabotage. You are a grown up. Learn to say no to what is no longer working for you. People will thank you. Nobody wants you there if you no longer want to be there.
Showing up half heartedly to anything does not benefit you or the people you are serving. And by staying, you block the ability of others to step in and serve. By refusing to set boundaries and say no, you are actually blocking blessings, the blessing of your future and the blessings of the others who are called to serve in your spot that you refuse to release. Sometimes “No” is the kindest answer. The best way to serve may be to step aside.
I’d love to hear of a time you had to say no to something. How did you feel? Was it a difficult decision? Were you reluctant to do so and if so, why? What blessings did you receive after stepping away?
For more on this, here’s my podcast on the topic.
Photo: unsplash-logoGemma Evans