Men – Read this!

I saw one of my friends today and he said he heard I started a blog and he asked me if it is just for women.  I told him absolutely not!!! He said his wife said it was mostly for women.  As I read over my posts, I can see where he may think that, but that is not my intention.  This blog is for everyone.  So, here’s one for the boys.  By the way, “Let’s hear it for the boys!”  (Are you thinking of Footloose right now?)

Here’s what I want to say to men.  You are not your wallet.  Your self worth is not based on your income and your bank account.  You matter.  You are important and special and gosh darnit, people like you!

My husband is a stock broker.  This is not easy.  (For him or me.)  These last couple years have been a roller coaster of emotion.  We have known many in the business (and in other lines of work) that have lost their jobs or had a heart attack or become sick because of stress.  The very sad truth is that we have known some men who have committed suicide because of the financial stress.  This, to me, is the ultimate sadness.  It is heart breaking.

Here’s what I believe has happened.  Our sons are born and we love them.  They are pure and good and light and love.  Then we teach them (with all good intentions) that they have to be the smartest, the strongest, the toughest, and this is the most important —wait for it—the best at every sport they try.  If they are not these things, they are losers.

Now, I know a lot of you women out there are saying, “That’s not what I did, I nurtured my son, I honored his tears.”  Even if you did, or tried to, your son got the message above.  He saw who ruled the playground, who was captain of the team, who got into the good school, who got the girls.  There is a pecking order and men struggle their whole lives to get to the top.

Some women do this too but for the most part, women are taught that competition is bad.  Our role is to be “nice”.  We play small to fit in.  Men are taught to compete, to fight, to win.  When they lose they are taught to “take it like a man”.  I’ll admit, just tonight while a bunch of kids were playing soccer, my son was crying and I told him to “man up” or he can’t play.  (That was not my best parenting moment.)

And now, I want to take it back.  I want to tell my son, I’m sorry if I have perpetuated the ambition mentality in your life.  I accept you fully for who you are and I look forward to watching God’s plan unfold in your life.  I will honor you and your tears and your fears.  I will celebrate you.  (Oh my goodness, I sound like Dr. Phil but I mean it!)

And men, here it is…a note from women to you (ladies, I’ve taken the liberty of speaking for you).  This message must be heard LOUD and CLEAR.  You are NOT YOUR WALLET.  You are a vital part of our lives and this world and we love you.  We do not mind if we have to move to a smaller house or a different neighborhood or if we have to cut back on some material things.  YOU are most important.  YOU… meaning your heart and your soul and your mind.  Your love for us is what we want, not your money.  PLEASE do not miss this point.  We can live without things…we do not want to live without you.  You have been sold a bill of goods.  You have been sold a lie.  It is not important what you do, it is important who you are.  Rest assured- you are more than your wallet.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

                                                                               -Phillipians 4:12-13