Ugh. Standing here in Barnes & Noble. My favorite place to be is a bookstore, and yet today, I feel kind of sick to my stomach.
I’m bugged.
All these authors, all these books, these stories, in the religion section.
Today it feels trite. It feels performative and empty. Another smiling face talking about the things we already know. I feel myself judging, poo-pooing, thinking, “Duh…I could’ve written this”. Which I know is prideful and unbecoming, not gracious.
I’ve felt jealous before of published authors and I ask God, “Hey God, is this jealousy? What’s going on here? Is this because I haven’t published a book?” And He answered me.
“Nope. Not jealousy. Discernment. Wisdom. My spirit within you is steering you away from shiny book jackets and worldly platitudes. From fallible teachers and preachers prone to pontificating. From social media influencers/authors who point you to self importance and self help.”
The Spirit in me knows that’s not what I need. I need the real thing. The author of life wrote me a love letter and I need to read it. This world is in dire straights and as humans, frankly, all we can offer is drivel.
To get right, we don’t need more books, we just need The Book.
We don’t need more opinions or even more knowledge. We hunger for transformation.
We don’t need more people. We need more God.
“So no,” He assured me, “this feeling you have is not about jealousy, this is Me redirecting you. Go read My Word.” And then He added, “I see you. I love you.”
And I believe Him.
He loves me enough to meet me right there at Barnes and Noble. Because this theme…books (my greatest extravagance), bookstores (my parents owned one when I was growing up and they are my happy place), writing (writing is my passion), reading(I can’t stop)…it’s such a huge part of my story.
I’ve always wanted to write a book.
The Bible says the Lord will give you the desires of your heart. (But first, He might change them.)
Today, I felt that shift. My true desire is to know God. Anything else will come after that.
It had to happen there. It had to be that clear.
For the first time ever maybe, I left a book store empty handed. But absolutely 100% full hearted.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.-Matthew 6:33
Has God ever changed your mind?
Do you feel God asking you to wait on your dreams?
Where in your life is God redirecting you?