To Moms of Kids with Dyslexia

Wow. This is getting to be a long time in “crisis schooling at home”. If you are a mom of a dyslexic child, you are on my heart right now. I see you. I feel you.

My oldest daughter has dyslexia and ADHD. She was diagnosed in 2nd grade. In two weeks, she will graduate college.

I hope that just took your breath away. It does mine.

But only those of us who know, will get it. The nightly struggles with homework, the frustration, the tears, the panic, the misunderstandings, the teacher conferences, the 504s, the IEPs, the worries, the doubts, the fighting, the Dr., the Neuropsychologist, the counselors, the tutors, the advocates, the advice, the looks, the complex emotions (yours and your child’s).

And now, you have to do it all. At home. While some of you are also working from home. With everyone home. It’s a nightmare. A special slice of hell.

Or is it?

What if you decided (you have the power to decide, it’s YOUR child) to take it easy and enjoy your child(ren)? What if you finished what was necessary and let your child spend time creating? Maybe you could paint together or listen to music, watch movies, read books. Better yet, maybe you could read out loud to your child. Even pre-teens like to be read to. Hearing the language and vocabulary and tone in your voice will help them understand how it should “sound” and therefore, how it should be written. It all counts.

What if you spent time in the back yard with your child, looking at the sky and talking? What if you jumped rope together or walked the dog together or asked your child to help you with chores while you work. What if you bake together or make dinner together or tie dye shirts or plant flowers? What if your child saw you giggle and dance and sing? I don’t want to sound like Gwyneth Paltrow here saying we all need to learn a new language and write a book in quarantine. I mean, let’s be real. But you could let your child pick how they want to be creative and roll with it. Let them exhale. Have fun.

Here’s the thing. This will end. They will return to school and they will learn. But the question as a mother isn’t, “Did you teach them everything the school told you to teach them?” The question is, “Did you teach them the good stuff? Did you share with them what it means to be human? To be alive? To create? To like themselves? Do they know how loved they are?”

This time together is sacred. I know it feels overwhelming and like a pain in the butt but you get to decide how you approach it. Approach it with wonder, wisdom and imagination. Our children learn by watching us. I don’t know about you but I think wonder, wisdom and imagination are high on the list for an abundant life. You know what you want to show them. You know. You’re their mom for a reason. Show them the good stuff.

Yes, my daughter made it through college. I pushed and prodded and demanded and organized and orchestrated. She adapted. She worked hard. She worked her ass off. She did the thing everyone told her she should do. She fit into the box that was set out for her.

And now, there will be no graduation. There will be no ceremony. No man in a fancy suit will hand her a piece of paper that deems her worthy. She won’t wear the robe or the hat. She didn’t get to walk the big stage in the big football stadium ceremony in high school either because of a terrible storm. It’s funny how things work out.

I believe God is telling us something. He’s saying that He saw her all along and He deemed her worthy. No amount of striving was going to make her better. She did not need to be “better”. No piece of paper defines her. She is not broken and did not need to be “fixed”. She was born enough. She was enough when she was a baby and a toddler, before school started and she hadn’t yet entered the halls of competition and comparison. She was enough every single step of the way. She did not need to prove anything to anyone. She would be enough if she didn’t earn a college degree. She is enough. She has always been enough.

And I am enough. I am a good mom. You are enough. You are a good mom. Your child is enough. Right now. Today.

Don’t let the world assign the curriculum.

There will be no pomp and circumstance to my daughter’s (and so many others!) graduation this year. Just a quiet, peaceful transferring of the seasons. School is over for her.

But the real learning may just be beginning.

For all of us.

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P.S. I just went into the room where she is writing a paper and I told her about the article and started crying telling her how proud I am of her. “I know Mom”, she said as she was shooing me away. I hope and pray she knows. I am so proud of her, not because of what she has accomplished but because of who she has become. I’m especially proud of her wonder, wisdom and imagination.

P.P.S. I wrote about my journey with my daughter in two previous posts. One was published in The Huffington Post and The Mighty. Another post, my most shared and liked post ever, is the one I wrote for her on her first day of high school here.