Wear the Boots!

When I saw this picture, I started crying.

This was taken at the BeLydia event when I shared Chair Holy Yoga with the group. I had a chance to share my testimony about suffering from panic and anxiety after being held up at gun point. I was able to tell them the body really does keep the score and God uses our bodies to send us signals. I also had a chance to share how God entered in so He could integrate me, body, mind and soul. To find myself 24 years later, sharing this story of redemption and freedom, it took my breath away right there on the stage. And again when I saw this photo.

You know when you get in the flow and let the spirit lead? When you take your head out of it and you speak from the heart? That’s what I did. I don’t remember this photo being taken and I don’t remember what I said, to be honest. It wasn’t what I had meticulously written and rewritten the weeks, days, and night before. It wasn’t what I thought I “should” say or what I had “practiced”. It was what God wanted me to say. A wise friend once told me, we prepare with our heads but we lead with our hearts. There comes a time to put down the paper and just feel it. He has been working on me as I write and speak more and He is showing me that I can’t worry about how my words are received. For one, I have no idea what the audience is thinking. Whether it’s one person or ten or 100 or 1000.  I have no idea how they will perceive me.  What I do know is that God has called me to share my story. In obedience, I share.

Have you ever had God tell you to say something to someone and when you do, it’s not received well?  The person doesn’t react the way you want them to? God has revealed to me that that is an issue with me. If the posture of my heart is to be obedient to the Lord, then all I can do is follow where He leads me. How people react to that is none of my business.  I can have no expectation of the response. Sure, accolades and high fives and “atta girls” are amazing. “Likes” on Instagram and Facebook, books sold, rooms filled, are all exciting. But that can’t be our “Why”. Because then what happens when all of that stops?

When I was getting ready for this event, I had my boots on and I looked in the mirror and heard a voice saying, “Don’t wear those boots. They are too much. Don’t be too much. Blend in. Wear tennis shoes, you are a yoga teacher.” But then I heard God say, “Wear what makes you come alive. Wear what you love. Show up as you. You are not too much. Bring it all.”  So I wore the boots. And I told the young women in the audience that the enemy will try to tell them that they are too much or not enough. I told them that we can spend our whole lives “shoulding all over ourselves”.  I showed them, with my boots, that we can show up as ourselves! In fact, it’s the only way. God calls you “as you”. Don’t miss your own life. Don’t hide.

I showed this photograph to a friend and I said, “Isn’t this beautiful?”

My friend said, “Oh, yes…that right there is a friend of Jesus.”

Turns out for me, that’s the only “atta girl” that really matters.