Nothing is Wasted

Nothing is wasted, she said.

I just looked at her like she was crazy since it seemed so disjointed, this life of mine.

Classes and books and studying…for what? I think sometimes. The yoga and the workshops and the working out. The running and the striving and the working to be all things.

I see you, He assures me.

The Bibles, so many and the studies I can’t keep straight, my fingers clumsily looking at the table of contents to see how to get to where all the others already are. Lost again but seeking. Searching. No map for me, the path is hidden, only the next step appears miraculously before the abyss.  I think I’m the first until I notice the muddy indentation from the soles (souls?) that preceded me.

Fragments of grace. Pieces of Holy. I cling tightly to hope.

He shows me the next step.

I say yes. Not knowing why but trusting that the invitation has been offered by the One who sees the big picture.

All of the writers and thinkers and philosophers and musicians…the hours spent talking about ideas and dreams…imagining. College days filled with beer and breadsticks and friends who left home for the first time. All the wondering and wandering.

The people…the anticipatory hello and the sometimes hasty good bye.  Other times the final touch lingering, painful and difficult to forget.  Scars…battle wounds for being real I guess.

Brennan Manning says, “In love’s service only wounded soldiers can serve.”

The wounds are not wasted.

Fear and panic born from destiny’s appointment with a gunman. A desperate soul in need passing his fear onto me rendering me useless. Paralyzed. Afraid.

Doctors and prayers and the Great Healer leading me to breath.

Breath leading me to life again.

Fear not, He tells me.

Marriage and babies and toddlers and teens all needing their own library to tell their story.

And the dance goes on.

My doubt…His reassurance.

My fear…His freedom.

My sickness…His healing.

My following…His leading.

My trust…His abundance.

Nothing is wasted.

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©2015 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™, All Rights Reserved

 

 

 

 

 

 

Open Doors

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“If you are a dreamer come in
If you are a dreamer a wisher a liar
A hoper a pray-er a magic-bean-buyer
If you’re a pretender com sit by my fire
For we have some flax golden tales to spin
Come in!
Come in!”
― Shel Silverstein

I have always loved this poem.  To me, it is about open doors, new possibilities, welcoming hospitality, community, and encouragement.  It says you are enough, you are chosen, you are invited, you are wanted.  Come in and share life with me.  It’s going to be fun.

I know Shel Silverstein is not Jesus but I can’t help but think Jesus might say the same thing.  Whoever you are, wherever you’ve been, come sit with me, let’s share stories, let’s do life together…come in!

We moved this past week into our new home.  After months of moving and being in temporary housing, it feels good to settle in and unpack. The picture above is of our new house through the front doors.

I love doors.  They hold such possibility.

From both sides.

Maybe you are the one inside, beckoning others to join you…Come in! Come in!

Maybe you are the one on the outside hoping to be invited, filled with curiosity, glimpsing inside…excited about the possibility of new things.

I feel like I’m on both sides right now.

God is opening this new door and saying, Come in! I’ve got great plans for you. Let’s do this.

I am excited. I feel loved and protected.  I say yes. I step through the door. Another new door.

I trust.

And then I feel I must do some inviting of my own:

Jesus, come into this space and fill it up.  Fill us up. Bless each and every corner of this home with your presence and your grace.  Teach us to be more like you. Laugh with us and be with us as we eat, pray, talk, learn, grow and love.  In our early morning grogginess and in our late night prayers…when the sun sets and rises…in our arguments and disappointments and struggles…in our celebrations and our accomplishments and our dreams coming true. In those moments when we wonder and we doubt and we let fear creep in…be there to remind us and to reassure us and to comfort us.  Show us who we are and what we are living for. Come into the messiness and love us.  Right now. As we are. We are in process and you know it and you love us anyway.  We put our faith and trust in you.

We invite you in.

It is because of you that we can step through new doors with bold confidence and joyous expectation.

You are doing a new thing and we are grateful.

Come in! Come in!

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©2015 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™, All Rights Reserved

I hope you can join us for a virtual Bible Study (0ver the phone!) starting February 9th. We will be exploring The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning.  It’s an amazing book filled with so much encouragement! I will be leading the study so if you have any questions about how it works, please email me at suebid@holyyoga.net.  If you want to register, please go to holyyoga.net and then to events and then virtual bible studies.  I would LOVE to study God’s Word with you! 

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Gotta Go

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It’s a rainy day and I’m weepy.

It all started in the car.  I was driving my oldest daughter to school. The song, “I Bet My Life” by Imagine Dragons came on the radio. It’s about a strained relationship with parents. There was a part in there that just tore my heart out:

I know I took the path that you would never want for me
I know I let you down, didn’t I?
So many sleepless nights
Where you were waiting up on me
Well I’m just a slave unto the night
Now remember when I told you that’s the last you’ll see of me
Remember when I broke you down to tears
I know I took the path that you would never want for me
I gave you hell through all the years

The song goes on to talk about forgiveness and he sings, “There’s you in everything I do”.  He realizes later what his parents gave him.  He can bet his life on them.

I love a happy ending but sometimes the beginning and middle are brutal. In songs and in life.

My daughter saw that I was crying and she said, “Mom, don’t cry.”

I tried to pull it together until she got out of the car.

Once she was out, I started crying again.  Thinking about all the ways our children leave us. Thinking about all the times they leave.  Even if they did not, “give us hell” there is no doubt we’ve had some sleepless nights.

College is coming up and she and I have different ideas about what this means.  She said to me, “Mom, you gotta trust me. I’m supposed to go.”

Don’t get me wrong, I know she is supposed to go.  I went. People go. I get it.

It was the “Mom, you gotta trust me” part.

Just like in the song, it’s all a journey right?

I read a review of the lyrics and people were commenting that this song could be describing our walk with Jesus.  Our rebellion and our path back.

Every story is about redemption.

But to get to that place, we have to leave this place.  And these people.

And even when I know it’s right…it breaks my heart.

 

©2015 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™, All Rights Reserved