Gotta Go

tobymac

 

It’s a rainy day and I’m weepy.

It all started in the car.  I was driving my oldest daughter to school. The song, “I Bet My Life” by Imagine Dragons came on the radio. It’s about a strained relationship with parents. There was a part in there that just tore my heart out:

I know I took the path that you would never want for me
I know I let you down, didn’t I?
So many sleepless nights
Where you were waiting up on me
Well I’m just a slave unto the night
Now remember when I told you that’s the last you’ll see of me
Remember when I broke you down to tears
I know I took the path that you would never want for me
I gave you hell through all the years

The song goes on to talk about forgiveness and he sings, “There’s you in everything I do”.  He realizes later what his parents gave him.  He can bet his life on them.

I love a happy ending but sometimes the beginning and middle are brutal. In songs and in life.

My daughter saw that I was crying and she said, “Mom, don’t cry.”

I tried to pull it together until she got out of the car.

Once she was out, I started crying again.  Thinking about all the ways our children leave us. Thinking about all the times they leave.  Even if they did not, “give us hell” there is no doubt we’ve had some sleepless nights.

College is coming up and she and I have different ideas about what this means.  She said to me, “Mom, you gotta trust me. I’m supposed to go.”

Don’t get me wrong, I know she is supposed to go.  I went. People go. I get it.

It was the “Mom, you gotta trust me” part.

Just like in the song, it’s all a journey right?

I read a review of the lyrics and people were commenting that this song could be describing our walk with Jesus.  Our rebellion and our path back.

Every story is about redemption.

But to get to that place, we have to leave this place.  And these people.

And even when I know it’s right…it breaks my heart.

 

©2015 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™, All Rights Reserved

My Mat


I went to yoga today for the first time in months.

I actually went to a new studio and tried a new class with new people.

All the newness almost had me saying, “no” again.

But then I remembered all the talk about “yes” that I’ve been putting out there.  All the encouragement I’ve been posting for all of us to say “yes” to the new things.  I’ve decided I should hashtag everything #preachingtomyself.

Sometimes “yes” is hard.  There is a voice that says, “It’s too much work” or “I don’t feel like it” or “I’m tired and it’s not worth it”, etc.  I’ve heard that voice and at times I’ve felt like just going back to bed.  Maybe you’ve heard that voice too.  It can be loud and menacing.  It can be convincing.

Today I just decided to do it…say, “yes”…GO.

It was  a hot yoga class and I am not used to that.  No towel, not enough water, no clothes to change into afterwards.  I figured, “I’m here, let’s just try it.”

It was amazing. Hot and challenging and inspiring.

At the end of class, I had a wet cold lavender soaked towel over my eyes and I heard the teacher say, “The divine light in me recognizes and honors the divine light in you.  Namaste.”

The tears came then.  Cleansing tears.  Joyful tears.  Grateful tears.  So good to hear those words again.

I had come home. My mat is home wherever it lands.  My mat is home in Chicago and my mat is home in Austin.  My mat is where I can go inside.  My mat is where subtle changes lead to lasting transformation.  My mat is where I am reminded, awakened and challenged.

It’s so good to be back.

Namaste.

HY prayer

The Year of YES

GBY YES 2015

 

Happy New Year!

The last few days I’ve been reading all the posts about what YOU NEED TO DO TO BE HAPPY and SKINNY and IN LOVE and FULFILLED and  MORE ORGANIZED and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I’ll be up front with you.  I’m not that kind of girl.

I won’t be telling you how to do anything.

I don’t have all the answers.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m writing a blog at all.  Truth is I don’t know much for sure. But then I remember.  I like writing.  I like pretty pictures.  I like playing with fonts and new apps and photos.  I like feeling connected.  I like this community.

I set out to write about Jesus and faith.  I dreamed of a people opening their in boxes and seeing an email that makes them smile or think or pray or thank.  Maybe my words would go out to 10 people or 100 people or more.  Maybe they would touch one heart.  I didn’t know and I still don’t.

In May of 2010, I felt God saying, “Go ahead, try it” and I said, “YES”.  I had no idea what I was doing.  But for some reason, that didn’t scare me.

One yes leads to another yes and on and on.

For me, this yes has led to a deepening of my faith.  A once a week sit down with God and the computer has turned into an every day all day best friend connection with Jesus.

It really doesn’t have anything to do with the blog. Jesus would have pursued me another way.  He doesn’t need me to do any sort of work to meet Him.  He doesn’t require that we write or do holy yoga or lead Bible studies or speak to crowds of people about Him.  But isn’t it so great that He uses fun, exciting things that we are passionate about to reach us?  Isn’t it great that He does healing and growth and sanctification through the things that we love?  I believe He LOVES to marry our passions and our purpose so we can talk about Him with JOY and LAUGHTER and EXCITEMENT.

He will use it all.  He will find a way into our hearts.He relentlessly pursues us because He loves us.  So, this blog didn’t reveal Jesus to me and I know that my writing won’t reveal Jesus to you.

Jesus will reveal Himself.

He will open doors.

He will offer opportunities.

He wants us.

He wants you.

This year say Yes.

Whatever it is you feel Him calling you to…no matter how outlandish the sound…even if no one else understands…when your heart is beating fast and you are short of breath and you just know it’s the Holy Spirit…say, “Yes”.

Then He will reveal the next step.

We don’t have to know where we are going.

He does.

Next time He opens that door for you…go ahead…walk through it unafraid.  He’s got this.

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©2015 Sue Bidstrup, Great Big Yes™, All Rights Reserved